Remember way back,
when I was smokin' crack,
you were working the corner,
selling that ass
and I took that rusty pipe
and gave your head that gash
then took all your cash
and spent it on smack?

I feel bad about that.
Not really, but yeah.
That and the time
I made you shave your cat.
Oh, and the time
I said your ass looked fat,
or when I played the back nine
while you were taking a nap.

As a matter of fact,
I've been a downright jerk,
Stealing cash from your purse
but that ain't the worst,
Can't believe I'm the guy
who filled your eye with --
We went to the E.R.
and I hit on the nurse.

Now we're here in a church
to make it official,
I love you you bitch,
You're a mother --